Namushkiche Swagat

And now I am absolutely convinced that I cannot remain anchored to the point of my present for very long. By the present, I mean this very moment, the now. I constantly feel as though I am standing unsteadily at this point, wavering. I am here, and yet I keep trembling, never knowing at what moment I might topple over and slip beyond the boundaries of this carefully defined space. I cannot say for certain when it might happen. What am I supposed to do about it?

And once I topple over and move beyond those boundaries, all the familiar rules of existence turn upside down. Everything becomes independent, free to be anywhere at any time, with nothing connected to anything else. And yet, we continue to exist, recklessly drifting here and there. We have no control over it anymore. The complications of relationships cease to matter, and speed has no direction whatsoever. No one is in control. My physical body, with all its weight and substance, simply ceases to exist. Sensations remain, but I have no definite form.

I can see everything, but no one can see me. I belong to no one, nor does anyone belong to me. And the world is so strange that it exists in so many places at once, while I, too, seem to be in countless places simultaneously. Any place can become any other place. No rules govern it anymore.

How can anyone believe me if I tell them all this? I have never met anyone who has experienced this displacement across space and time, this toppling beyond the boundaries of the space-time continuum, as I have. Perhaps the reason is that I no longer feel at home in this world. And the whole business of constantly fleeing has left me deeply shaken. I have been shattered into pieces.

I whirl around, fragmented within myself, spinning beyond my own boundaries as well. Even while I remain bound to the present moment, anchored in space and time, some fragments of me continue to whirl outside these very rules of existence.